I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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