a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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