we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
