The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we made out on top of his cat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
