well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
