I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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