Apparently you make a good broom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
