Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well you can't waste a boner
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
