apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet