so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...