Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!