How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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