im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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