dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
