at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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