if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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