Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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