When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
