You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
