Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
