i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
