So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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