a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
