I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
