I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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