Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
