Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
