I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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