I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
