erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
