Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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