if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
