i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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