I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.