is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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