please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
