I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
