Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
