closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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