You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
