I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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