Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
did i walk over a car last night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
