Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just cut my nipple shaving
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
