first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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