sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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