Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
