Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She said her name was "party"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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