just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
