I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
