Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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