Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
