lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
