My liver just broke up with me...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
