His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
