Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
