The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
