There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
