You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
