I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
