k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
