allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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