Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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