??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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