I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
