so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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