Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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