very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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